Tag Archives: TV

It’s high art obviously

This week Skins decides that the popular literary figure Shakespeare, you might have heard of him, is cool. Grace decides that sustaining a voice doesn’t matter, and everyone gets out their ‘coke eyes’. Sounds good I know.

I appear to have missed all important plot points this week, if indeed any occurred, and only saw Frankie kiss everyone on command while saying that she isn’t bi-sexual she “just likes people”, great writing coming to you from E4 since 2005.

Despite all this it was however Grace’s episode, though it did appear to be more like a Mr.Blood (Chris Addison) greatest hits compilation as he pranced about the scenery spouting nonsensical shit in a pan-British accent. The accents played a large part of this weeks shows mainly because, never having been to Bristol, none of them sounded remotely Bristolian in nature. Of course I recognise that they are professionaly trained thespians from the ‘big-city’, but I mean come on, if you can’t make it Skins then you have no chance, which is why nobody knows what any of the previous cast members are doing. Nicholas Hoult being the exception, but then he worked with Hugh Grant so nothing else really matters does it.

GOD I ALMOST FORGOT THE PEA SONG.

For those unawares the pea song is a cultural movement unbeknown to anyone in the modern world that isn’t a complete and utter shit-tard of a human being. If this doesn’t signal a last attempt at greatness before ‘the fall’ then I don’t know what does. Empires have been ruined by less. Just ask Julias.

I’m still recovering from that memory for a while so let’s discuss the aforementioned ‘coke eyes’. Picture the scene: four quiet girls in a bedroom full of floaty stuff with nothing to do, they get out their limitless supply of cocaine, kiss daddy goodbye, and run off to the club that doesn’t ask for any form of identification from said underage children. It’s a great world I know. Once at this club where all their friends also happen to be, it’s obviously not a school night, they decide to ‘get off with’ some fat bloke and his mate, Matty takes unkindly to the unwanted attention Franky is recieving and asks him politely to leave by scaring the living shit out of millions of people with what is the complete opposite of Bette Davis Eyes. That boy can act. Maybe. No, no he can’t. We can all begin to walk the long road to recovery know because he clearly had an overdose of something. Sorry about that long-winded rant, but someone had to say it and I am speaker of the truth. Anyway I’m sure next week all this trouble will end, or be exacerbated-who knows, when him and Franky just have sex already, Liv won’t mind she’ll just have another five bottles of Vodka.

Since I don’t know what I’m saying anymore I’ll just stop saying things, other than that the music this week was unusually good and I would like to say well done Kyle. We had a bit of Jessie J, The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart, James Blake, The National, and Magnetic Man amongst others. God it’s a great time to be alive.

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Skins proclaims “I am metal”

It’s that time of the week again when I do a slightly late discussion of Skins, but not so late that it’s no longer relevant, you best lap it up again kids (and grown men who are clinging onto youth.)

This week we met Rich and in doing so got the most metal episode of any show ever broadcast apart from when Cradle of Filth turned up in Coronation Street. We all knew then that metal and TV weren’t meant to mix. Skins has reaffirmed my faith in this fact by actually using the lines; “I am metal” and “This is who I am.” How not to write dialogue <—- just NO.

We did however get some interesting music and frankly it was quite daring of a prime time show to rely on Napalm Death and Slayer so much. Metal Heads the world over are rejoicing in acceptance, or more likely cursing that their favourite bands are sell outs. Fuck society they don’t understand you anyway. A rather unprecedented turn of events somehow led to Huey of The Fun Loving Criminals fame playing the record store owner, he was good on Buzzcocks and he was good here too. Shame about the music.

Skins has the idiotic ability to forget everything that has gone on in previous episodes between characters and just focus on the one they are showcasing to the world this week and while we did primarily see Rich they avoided this trap by inserting Grace as buffer between ‘alt-college’ and ‘Top Shop-college.’ Insert long winded and obvious boy likes girl, girl likes boy, but girls friends think boy is weird plot here and you have the synopsis of the episode and series.

It is lovely of this carnal teen carnage to finally show real alternative culture instead of just popular alternative culture for a change. Instead of a rave or out of control house party we see a gig and crowd-surfing. Sadly they make it all a bit cliché by playing Rage Against the fucking Machine and table dancing. The counter culture desperately needs a new anthem because if I hear that one more time in any sort of ‘official’ capacity I will be offering up my ears to Mike Tyson.

Rich is a great introduction to the show though and different to any character it has ever had before. If anything he is an amalgamation of a few males from across the series’: Sid and JJ come to mind the most. I just hope he doesn’t go through some sort of transformation now he’s had a near deaf, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get that in, experience.

Next week it’s that bitch who’s called Mini or something and I’m excited to see her vomit on her boyfriend, expectations are pretty dire if I don’t say so myself. As long as they play Rihanna it’ll be okay.


The Walking Dead

For our first attempt at meta-criticism we have decided to review something that interests us equally, for different reasons.

The Walking Dead is the new TV show based on the long-running comic series. Scruffy thinks he could do the comic better himself and Sharpie likes the simplicity of its clean art. The following reviews are our initial reactions to the first few episodes.


The Z Word

The Walking Dead bites back

It’s safe to say that ever since Comic-Con the world of geeks has been eagerly awaiting AMC’s new prime-time drama and for once in the history of modern television it isn’t about vampires!

Though the apple doesn’t fall too far from the genetically modified tree and we are given the chance to see another of the typical movie monsters on the small screen. Frank Darabont’s adaptation of Robert Kirkman’s long running zombie comic The Walking Dead has finally arrived.

What a man to bring it to us! Darabont, who is known as the man behind the adaptation of everything in Stephen King’s expansive back catalogue gives us a stunning take on what the apocalypse holds though I doubt the reality would look this good.

I was slightly apprehensive at first about the casting of Andrew Lincoln as main man Rick Grimes, who is known for his turn in 20-something British sitcom This Life, but Scruffy and I quickly came to the consensus that he pulled it out of his oversize sheriffs’ hat. He has the screen presence needed to pull together an ensemble cast, a decent American accent, and a chiselled jaw never hurt anyone.

Coming in at over an hour the first episode kicks off the plot with sheriff Rick Grimes waking up to an empty hospital. It all sounds very 28 Days Later I know, but don’t worry there are no sprinting zombies in sight. Instead the zombies we do get are bloodied, dismembered, ice white, and of course sticking with the golden rule of zombies they are never referred to by the ‘z word’ but as ‘walkers’. Basically what this all means is they are fucking scary and very very cool. The clever thing about The Walking Dead is that you don’t actually see an abundance of zombies’ walkers, but the ones we do see, ironically, have personality. The first of the affected is a little girl, dragging a teddy, and missing half a jaw. Then she growls at us. Zombies growl now. Its touches like bones still in the sockets and minus all the flesh that will leave fans groaning for more (I couldn’t help myself) and make the show a must-see week after week. Sadly after the glacial pace of three episodes that’s only for another three weeks and at this rate the walkers will be eating themselves. Don’t get me wrong I love the show, but it takes its damn time to accomplish anything and if the characters are going to find secret things that only us comic readers are aware of then they will need to MOVE at some point in time.

The characters are another thing entirely. If you’ve read the comic then you will be aware of the fact that it’s heavily based on characters rather than plot. They don’t even say that much, though I’m not as scathing of the dialogue as Scruffy it’s not exactly mind boggling, but they have a lot of back-story which is important. The T.V show has decided to go and add extra people to an already bustling assortment of jack-asses. They need a bloody tour bus not a campervan. Having said this I do like the characters that are present and the cast are suited to the roles they play particularly Glenn and Shane, who has the slimy ‘I’ll do what I want’ attitude down to a tee. The show needs to keep going because the best characters will come into next season or probably when we are under threat of our own zombiepocalypse.

The Walking Dead is going to be massive and rightly so. The directing is artful and the photography spectacular. If you only watch two minutes of the show, which you won’t be able to do, then watch the two minutes where Rick rides a horse down the empty freeway into Atlanta. It’s haunting.

The imagery of the show is cunningly crafted to look like it has the budget of a film, or an HBO show and many will probably be shocked to find that it’s not by them. With The Walking Dead and Breaking Bad under their belts AMC are getting a roster to rival them.