Skins of Lycra

This week in Skins world Kelly Brook visits and does absolutely fuck all. Which is a great point of reference for the entire episode really.

I think it’s safe to say the world was foaming at the mouth when the words ‘Kelly Brook is back on TV’ reached the nations ears and then all she did was stand around in her shiny Lycra pants and they didn’t even keep cutting back to her buttocks for the remainder of the show. Everything about the episode was a massive disappointment.

We got see a little bit more of Mini the big bad wolf of the series. Turns out she’s just a bitchy teenager who has never even had sex. Queue the OMGZ and self-loathing and puking on boy-friend in moment of abject terror scenes. Despite all this she still managed to be a bitch.

I had watched the American Skins just before and shockingly that made this seem like a Gus Van Sant drama. I can’t discourage you enough about NEVER watching that, ignoring the fact that it’s shot for shot the same as the British pilot it’s not a remake it’s a bloody massacre.

Mini yeah. Her episode managed to ruin the series thus far by making everybody involved seem like utter annoying dicks. Even Franky, who had the chance to get her own back, which any decent human would have, just asked for a light and a dance. The least she could do is turn her into a raging gay.

I think the main thing about this episode was that it lacked any substance, maybe as a reflection of the character, but still us children need entertaining or we’ll change over and watch some hard hitting politics with Paxman. Mini was just dull, other characters have a sense of inner turmoil that they project outwardly in some way, i.e. metal, Mini just ate seeds and used too much fake tan.

Even the music for this episode was quintessentially average mixing the terrible world of pop, Cheryl Cole and Lady Gaga, with cutting edge Skream and Crystal Fighters, and then throwing in some classics like Roots Manuva and Eddie Cochran for good fucking measure, because you know why not?

Oh there was also the most awkward sex scene in the world broadcast between Mini and her ‘boyfriend’ whose name escapes me, but do watch that because afterwards everything is in black and white for a bit. Rich lost his hearing and Mini apparently goes colour blind after shit sex.

Next week it’s the story of the other bint whose name also escapes me, but that looks harrowing and council estatey.

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About sharpiemarks

I always assume I am cooler than anyone else in the room. View all posts by sharpiemarks

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